Are you struggling to help you kids stop wiggling? This article discusses the key factors that have helped me teach my children to sit still in church, and I hope they help you, too.
“How do I get my child to sit still in church?”
This is a question that so many parents ask, and one that as a single mom of three strong-willed kiddos, I’ve experienced a lot first-hand. I know what it’s like to bring your children to church, all the while praying that you can make it through a service without too much chaos.
The first thing I want to say is that you are not alone! Many parents ask this question and struggle to help their kids be quiet in church. Give yourself (and your kids) a lot of grace in this area as you learn what works for your children.
At What Age Should A Child Sit Still in Church?
You may be wondering, how old should my child be in in order to sit still in church? This is a great question because the answer will vary based on a number of factors. Here are a few thing to consider in order to answer that question:
Does Your Child Have Siblings Close By?
When you have children who sit directly next to each other, or are at least close in age (for example, I have twins), it will be more of a challenge to get them to sit still through church. Why? Because siblings are often prone to poke and prod each other, regardless of whether they are sitting together at church or in the car.
If you want to help your kids not get wiggly in church, then it’s best to not sit them next to their siblings if possible.
Does Your Child Have Special Needs to Consider?
Sometimes a child’s exceptionalities or other special considerations will come into play during a church service, and that will have an impact on how long he or she can sit still during church.
Is Your Child a Toddler?
This can certainly be a deciding factor on whether or not your child can sit still in church. In other situations, such as at the dinner table, some say that a child can sit still for two to five minutes per their year of life. So, for example, a three year old might be able to sit still for six to fifteen minutes at a time.
Others say it is less or more. And of course, circumstances always feel different for children outside the home, their regular environment, so sitting still at church may look different than at home around the dinner table. This factor really will depend on your own child, but it’s pretty realistic to say that a toddler won’t be able to sit still quite as long as a child who is closer to ten or eleven.
How to Teach Your Child to Sit Still in Church
So how do you help your child sit through a church service? It’ll come down to a few key strategies, which I’ll share below. These are tips that I personally have found helpful, both as a parent and as a parenting coach.
Strategy #1: Mindset
Rome wasn’t build in a day. In other words, the struggle won’t be solved in one church service. If you can keep the mindset that this is a marathon and not a sprint, you’ll be able to maintain your cool when your kids have an exceptionally wiggly Sunday morning.
Strategy #2: Practice Ahead of Time
When you’re at home, practice sitting still for short amounts of time. Make it a game if that helps! In addition to that, talk with them in a kind and affirming way about your expectations for their behavior at church. For example, asking them questions like, “How do we sit when we’re at church?” or “Are we loud or quiet?”
Another tip with a young child is to use a sock puppet or a stuffed animal that gets to go to services for the first time. You can have the stuffed animal ask your young child what the rules are at church, and likely, your child will be quick to teach the stuffed animal what it should do to sit still in church.
Other things you can practice include how to whisper, what to say if he or she needs to go to the bathroom, and so on. I also find it helpful to have these conversations throughout the week, so that it has time to sink in, and also to discuss why we go to church in the first place. Like all of Christian parenting, these conversations relate back to building our personal relationship with God.
Strategy #3: Have Special Toys Just for Church
I learned this tip from my mom, and I’ve found it to be very helpful as well. If you have a special church bag that has quiet toys in it that are exclusive for Sunday morning, then there is a higher level of engagement for your kiddos. This could include things like drawing pad, pop-its and other fidgets, Hot Wheels, books, and other quiet activities.
Strategy #4: Sit in the Back
As much as possible, try to sit in the back if you have small children that have difficulty sitting still in church. Of course, this is not a necessity, but it does help if one of your children has an emotional moment or needs to use the restroom. In the back, you are more easily able to make your quick getaway.
Strategy #5: Sit with Another Adult
This strategy mostly applies if you are a single parent, a preacher’s spouse, or are otherwise at church alone with your children, but it could also apply to anyone. As I mentioned earlier, I am a single mom, and I have found it so helpful to sit with another trusted adult or couple at church. This especially comes in handy when two children need me at the same time, or if one needs to use the restroom, etc. Having a second (or third!) set of helping hands (and let’s be honest–sometimes just having a warm body blocking the pew’s exit) can work wonders in helping your child sit still in church services!
Strategy #6: Stay Calm and Consistent
And lastly, it always helps to stay calm and stay consistent. Our children need us to stay calm even when situations get difficult. We are the adults, and so we bring the calm to the chaos.
Also, the more consistent you are at bringing your kids to church and with the rules while you are there, the more practice they will get. While this doesn’t guarantee that they will stay quiet and still during church services, it will go a long way in supporting them in this effort.
Having Grace When Teaching Your Child to Sit Still in Church
Ultimately, this is a universal struggle, and so please know that you are not alone. It can be so easy to feel embarrassed or defeated if your children have a hard time sitting still during church, but stick to these strategies and you will greatly reduce a lot of the potential trouble spots.
All in all, I know you can do this! Keep the faith, Mama. You’re going to make it through this!